I am…..

I am 22 years old, haven’t achieved anything I could be proud of, “yet”. I am skinny, I am self conscious. I am moody, generally hating my life & life in general. I can’t stand most people but prefer being around them. I do not know what I want and am not trying very hard to figure it out. I want to do a master in Economics, just because I have an opportunity to do it for free. 

My body weakens as my mind gets stronger. I could survive more than most people without food. I take pride in being smart, yet I am not as confident in my intelligence. It is a shame, I can perform but can’t present my performance properly.

I am 22 years old and the past 8 have been the worse. For the past 4 years I have been walking roads I don’t want to walk, yet, I do not know which roads I want to walk. 

I am confused, my best answer is “I don’t know” followed by “lets wait & think” and “whatever”. 

However, I have decided to do something….I am committed to changing my appearance. I am taking up the great sport of River Rowing. Practice starts at 6 a.m. everyday, I plan to do it before work which starts at 9:00. I know I’d be killing my social life and I know it would be a complete torture for the first couple of weeks. I know. I am debating the issue in my mind, and frankly, I am chickening/lazying and leaning towards not doing it. 

But, hell, I’m gonna do it. I just have to. I know that if I don’t, I’m gonna spend the rest of my life regretting it & wondering, what if i did it?

I am gonna do it. Tomorow I ll get a doctor’s note that my heart is in a condition that enables me to play sports. And I’m gonna try it out. 

Athletic people in general and Coaches in particular irritate/scare me. I don’t know why, but it has always been like that. I guess it is because I never really felt confident in my physical abilities. Is this going to change, I hope so. It all depends on the training environment it is going to be. I hope it is not too intimidating.

Anyways, I am who I am, and fuck u small chickens.

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